Simon, It's Time to Stop Talking

Friend Simon phoned me up earlier this evening. He sounded down, and when I asked him why he told me a strange story. Relatives who are very dear to him have been visiting. Of course, Simon is thrilled to have them, and to have the chance to visit with them. But he feels that every time they get to talking, Simon sabotages the conversation by turning the spotlight on himself. . . . what he thinks, what he believes, what he feels . . . and when he's not doing that he tells me that his mouth keeps running on, making silly jokes and tossing non sequiturs into every conversation that is NOT about him. He told me that even as he's doing it he knows he should stop, but he feels like he almost can't control it. He told me that part is a bit frightening. I asked him if being with these people made him anxious or nervous. He admitted that the need for their approval was playing a big part in motivating his behaviour.

I put it plainly. "Simon," I said, "It's not all about you. Get over yourself." I'm sure I threw in several other cliches of the moment that are in the same vein, but my basic message to him was that he needs to listen as well as talk, and to resist the temptation to talk just to fill silences.

I didn't say this to Simon, but this behaviour seems pretty narcissistic to me, as does the worry about it. Simon, when will you learn to leave your Little Boy Simon persona at home, in the bin?